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Accurate Spider-Man… Can you Milk a Spider ?

yea thats right ! We all love spiderman

“Scientifically Accurate” Spider-man (is not accurate)

spidermanLast year I wrote a post about Spider-man, and how his anatomy may not be…err, as PG as one might wish. In less than 500 words, I tried to write an entertaining post about how actual spider anatomy is not analogous to Spider-Man the superhero’s anatomy.

I did not expect to enrage Fanboys all over the internet quite as much as I did, but over all counted it as a science communication win. (I will confess to occasionally forgetting-on-purpose to hyphenate SpiderMan in this post because it makes them even madder, though.  I am a bad person.)

And THEN: Scientifically Accurate Spiderman: The Video.

This video is marked as ADULT, so you might have to go to YouTube and sign in to view it.  The video takes some elements of what I wrote and puts it in a blender to make a cartoon that is… interesting? Really, if you haven’t seen it, go watch it just for the sheer WTFery of it all.
I transcribed some of the more puzzling lyrics of the song here:

Vaguely Scientifically Accurate:

  • “His web erupts from out his ass”: Closer to the truth than actual Spider-Man, although technically webbing would erupt from spinnerets located near his taint.  Technically. In an imaginary universe where Spider-human hybrids don’t immediately DIE.
  • “Four pairs of eyes”: While this isn’t true of all spiders, it is correct for most.
  • “His dick falls off”: How they got from “spiders don’t have a penis like a human” to “his dick falls off multiple times, and usually ends up in someone’s food item,” I’m really not clear.  As a side note, I’m impressed that the penis in the video apparently has its own, separate Spider-man costume.  I always just assumed Spidey tucked left in the leotard.

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